“My beautiful little princess was born on the last day of April in 2021, just at the end of the pandemic. A much awaited and longed for surprise. She was perfect but she was small and this was probably due to some degree of placental insufficiency. My pregnancy was complicated and I had reduced movements from around 26 weeks of pregnancy, weekly scans and daily heartbeat monitorings.
I had sweeps from 37 weeks and I was favourable (which meant that I could have had my waters broken), but I wanted to try and have a sweep to go into labour on my own. Following the 2nd sweep I bled quite heavily and was kept on the day unit and monitored, and then reviewed, where it was decided that I was to be induced (at this point I was 37+2. I sat on the ward for 2 days before I was taken to delivery suite.
So, on delivery suite I was put on the monitor, waters broken, an hour later drip started to help contractions and then an hour and 20 minutes later there SHE was … I say it like this because we didn’t find out what we were getting, total surprise but we were over the moon and this was the start of my breastfeeding journey.
I stayed in overnight and most of the next day but I think because I was a midwife I, as well as the staff thought I knew what I was doing. I got a few of my colleagues to check my latch and we were doing ok!, well I thought that this was the case, but on day 5 when she was weighed she had lost 11.3% of her birthweight. I contacted the infant feeding team and asked if they could see me. A posterior tongue tie was diagnosed and I made an appointment with the lactatation specialists to double check and also for the tongue tie to be released.
When I got to my appointment, the practitioner decided that it was not a good idea to release her tongue tie as there could be a potential that she would lose more weight (I didn’t get the logic, but because I was vulnerable I agreed). She then gave me an unachievable plan – which was feed at the breast, when she stops, express for 15-20 mins each side, give the expressed milk and then top up with formula if needed, then finish on the breast, and do this 2 hourly. Well, the whole process took me about 2 hours and then I had to start again. This was day 14 and on day 16 she had put on 30g but by day 17 I was completely exhausted and a total mess and made the decision to top up with formula. I rearranged the tongue tie snip and they eventually did this on day 36. Looking back I am absolutely devastated that I didn’t push for it on the 1st appointment.
Fast forward, she’s 21 months old and our journey ended just shy of 20 months and it was on her terms, so she had all that goodness for all that time and although it seems like a million years ago all this happened, I still feel like it was a traumatic experience. It absolutely 100% does not matter how your baby is fed, as long as they are fed and both of you are happy and healthy. It really did have a negative impact on my mental health but I’m in such a good place now! The personal battles are all your own and sometimes it is so hard to see the wood for the trees. Everyone tells you that you aren’t a failure but internally this is how you feel. How and why couldn’t I just feed my baby? I didn’t fail I succeeded with what I wanted to do, supported by all the people who meant something to me. I have a happy healthy little girl and I am eternally grateful for that. Good Luck to all you mammas!”
🤍
Comentarios